March 20, 2008

THOSE AREN’T MY PANTS

When my wife told me I should start my own blog, it was given its due consideration. Which is to say for the next 15 minutes, Amanda realized she was stuck in the passenger’s seat and had opened Pandora’s box when it comes to my rantings and thoughts as to what one would title such an endeavor. Obvious my sojourn into the blogosphere must be titled: “we put a man on the moon…”, as if you’ve been in my presence in the last few years for longer than 20 minutes, most of my rants start with “we put a man on the moon for Pete’s sake, why can’t we: have a front windshield defrost button, design a car door that doesn’t dump snow on your seat when you open it, eliminate the penny (more on this one later) or switch to dollar coinage, or for that matter... put another man on the moon?

I think you get the picture, so let me hit you with some knowledge (TANGENT ALERT!): Pete, in the “Pete’s sake” phraseology, refers to Captain Pete Conrad (USN), Command Pilot of Apollo 12, the third man in human history to step foot on the moon, and one of my many heroes. Contrary to popular belief, while the lunar module was often called “gumdrop,” it did not sport a thin candy shell, but your head has a thick candy shell if you have to read this sentence twice to get it.

Alas, as my rantings would prove, what is at first obvious is sadly not the truth of the matter. While I enjoy the freedom of writing and ranting, I’m more hands-on with instruments of destruction than computers. So, Amanda graciously offered to host my guest ranting which lead me to my current title: “THOSE AREN’T MY PANTS,” which is an oft used declaration to pass the buck in my line of work. (If you aren’t up to speed on my biography: I work as a Corrections Officer for the Sheriff’s Office and have had plenty of opportunities in the last 4 years to analyze the depths of the stupidity of the human condition and failure to take responsibility.)

I want to do more with my semi-weekly guest blog than question why NASA hasn’t mass produced my jet pack yet. So, in the coming weeks, I will share with you a few of my “man on the moon” moments, regale you with stories from my work place, and attempt to share my thoughts on the topics of life, love, guns, politics, religion, and the counter-productive coining of our nation’s most useless currency.

Mark

5 comments:

Matty said...

Brilliant; absolutely brilliant! I laughed my whole way through this post. Please, Mark...start your own blog! It would be worth it even on a once-a-week basis.

The Coach said...

Mark -

Amanda can add you as an author or authorized poster or something so your entries can say "Posted by Mark."

Anyway, I sincerely doubt that "for Pete's sake" refers to anyone in the last two centuries. Also, interestingly, "For Pete's sake" and "for the love of Pete" actually have different origins and don't refer to the same Pete (or peat as the case may be and probably is).

mark said...

Thanks guys, but remember, as it is with you - behind every good man is a great women. I thank my wife not only for the inspiration to blog, but for instilling in me my hatred for the penny and dollar bill.

Amanda said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa--I love the penny! I have penny earrings! Mark--don't spread false stuff about me! The dollar bill, I'm not wild about. That's true.

If I added Mark as an author, I'd have to teach him how to run the program. Computers aren't his thing.

Hannah said...

Dollar coinage is HEAVY.

I do believe I'll enjoy these guest spots, and trust they'll be as semi-regular as my new favorite blog is regular.