I know it has been a while since I regaled you all with a story from work, mostly because my job is inherently boring - but also because there is only so much I want to share about the sadness and anger I see everyday. Often I joke that I spent tens of thousands of dollars and 5 and a 1/2 years on some college that I rarely use - to do what boils down to babysitting on steroids.
I joke, but it is so often true. Today, however, my body learned what my mind already knew: jobs and life take perseverance and a concept called the "Bullet Proof Mind." This concept is as simple as it is timeless: I will not fail, I will not lose, I will not die - I will win, I will go home today. The concept may seem a little abstract to those of you who don't carry a sidearm to and from work everyday, but it is as real for you as it is for me. It is life.
Mental preparedness, planning for the future, itemizing a budget, getting paperwork in order, faith in a higher power, knowledge those things will work they way they are supposed to. My Bullet Proof Mind may actually involve bullets, fists, shanks and so on - but your mind's protection may be knowing the car’s brakes will work every time, that the airframe mechanic really knows how to arm the ejection seat, that the post-soviet corrupted immigration officer will let me back in the county this time, or as simple as I will go home to the ones I love.
Quite Cool is often amazed that I can remain so calm in the short-term high-stress situations life has to offer. I am no ice-man (her post about the ambient temperature of our dwelling to the contrary); I can lose it over the dumbest things - how to fold shirts or even the proper order of the daily reading of the newspaper - but the simple fact is this: my day may go south in a hurry, but I will go home to the ones I love.
This may be the ramblings of post-combat euphoria, but today I stood my post, found myself on the wrong side of the floor (that’s down, not up) with an aggressor on top, and came out victorious - I won, I went home. The bumps, bruises, and scrapes will fade, but the lasting memory of the fight or flight adrenaline dump will prepare me for the next go-round. This wasn't my first brush with violence face to face, nor will it be my last. Until next time: I will not fail, I will not lose, I will not die - I will win, and I will go home today.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go check my pants…