January 02, 2010

Mr. Cool's These Aren't My Pants: Happy New Year

Word to the wise: don’t go to jail – not in Monopoly, not in real life. However, if one of your mistakes in life takes you to jail, try real hard that it’s not Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve – the two worst days to get booked in. Besides the obvious, time away from family and the actual crime that sent you to the pokey, the 25th and the 1st are County, State, and Federal Holidays – no courts (= no judge, no bond, no bail). Besides the great Christmas dinner, my bologna has a first name (Darryl); it is perhaps the most boring day of the year. At least on New Year’s Day there might be football to watch.

But most important, I think it’s nice to actually remember the Holidays. I myself had a great time with family and friends this past week, and didn’t feel the need to imbibe liquid amnesia. I had two occasions this week when the inmate asked me point blank and in all seriousness: how did I get here? One even pointed to his bandaged hand and wrist and asked: “do you know how I broke my hand?” “Sorry bub, all I know is that you came in drunk, came in combative, and the ensuing use of force sent one of my officers to the hospital (he’s okay now).” The look on his face would be priceless if it wasn’t attached to a $15,000 bond and a filled out workman’s compensation form.

So, as we wrap up the holidays, if you wake up with a hangover – make it the movie, not the experience (as an aside – if you can handle some adult situations and rough language – “the hangover” is a very funny movie) – you’ll still regret it, but not as much. Just pour one out for your homies and move it along…

No comments: